Sixx: A.M. a band? a project? a life? The Heroin Diaries is a book by Nikki Sixx and Ian Gittens. The book showcases Nikki Sixx's drug addiction and the Diaries he wrote during this time. James Michael, DJ Ashba and Nikki Sixx collaborated to record an album of the same name. Sixx: A.M. wasn't originally a band but in the end became one.

I knew very little about Nikki Sixx except that he was in Motley Crue and once did drugs, alongside other sporadic activities. A lot of what I knew was gossip, and it is very easy to believe such gossip about big “rock stars” I seldom take such things as truth without evidence, but I sometimes can’t help but wonder.

I could probably only name 2 out of 5 Motley Crue songs and only a handful of the members. I suppose it just wasn't my music, it happens to the best of us and perhaps I would have been the same with Sixx: A.M. if it wasn’t for my sister, it happened like this:

I was online intending to send a message to my sister, but she was away. Her away message read:

“You can't quit until you try, you can't live until you die, you can't learn to tell the truth until you learn to lie, you can't breathe until you choke. You gotta laugh when you're the joke. There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive. Just open your eyes. Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful. Will you swear on your life that no one will cry at my funeral?”

That is what I read in that little instant message box. I stared at it for a moment and thought “if only I had the thought to write such a thing,” it never occurred to me to ask where she got it from.

Some time later a song came on the car radio. I began to sing along to it without realizing exactly where I knew it from. I had no clue for a good 5-10 minutes. Then I had this great realization. I turned to her and said “This was your away message”. She nodded and I asked her who was the artist that put out such a magnificent song? She replied that the song was Life is Beautiful by Sixx:A.M. I thought it was maybe Six A.M. or 6 A.M. and couldn't find them on itunes. I finally thought to type in the song title and it returned the entry “Life is Beautiful by Sixx:A.M”. I immediately associated the two x's in the six with Nikki. I looked up Sixx:A.M.on the internet and found out everything I could about the band.

After awhile I bought the whole album from itunes. For the next 3 weeks every song was played on repeat. I related to each song in various ways.

I knew that person who is very close to me had once taken a substance which I consider a “serious” drug (but then in my eyes most drugs are serious) I asked her if it was the only substance she had tried. She looked at me with a smile and said “uh..maybe”, I turned to her and said “I don't want to know”. She had a rebellious side to her, and at the time her friends were often what I would view as a 'bad influence', I still wonder if she had stayed with those friends what kind of 'trouble' she'd have ended up in.

This album makes me look back at that time, at the way I spoke to her, and it also makes me look at my own life. I often tell people I don't want them to cry at my funeral because I want them to celebrate my life, and not grieve my death, the line Will you swear on your life that no one will cry at my funeral? hit me hard. When I listen to this album I think of our choices in life and the affect they have Tomorrow you'll have to cross bridges that you burned today, and everything you do it's coming back for you. You'll never out run what waits for you tomorrow.

Although I've never once touched a single drug in my life, I know people who have done drugs, and have talked to me about those certain times in their lives, but still I couldn’t fathom why anyone was drawn to take them. Sometimes I'd judge but after awhile I started to realise it's so easy to judge someone and the choices they've made when you have for whatever reason never taken that path.

The first time I heard the album I admit I was so moved I teared up. Why? Because it's real life laid bare for all its flaws.

There is so much music in this world, and so many bands trying to make it, not all of them say something and some of them just say what they think they should say. Messages get lost and we start to get taken in by what we’re told is good. The Heroin Diaries breaks away. It's a voice that celebrates life and a second chance at it. It made me realise that we really are all equal except for our circumstances."All my devils are free at last, and all my secrets revealed. And your permission is all I need to heal". And we come out of life to feel and to heal.

This album is an anthem for all my mistakes, all the mistakes we make as humans, not just drug related. The heroin Diaries is an album about The Heroin Diaries itself, as well as us all. I can’t wait to see what Sixx:A.M does next, I hope they continue to put out honesty at it's best. We all need a little honest story told to us in our lives.